what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
