brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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