I'm gonna have a badass scar
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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