she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
