under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
