a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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