if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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