3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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