I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
