hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
