when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
zippers are such a cool invention
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
