I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
