Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
