My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
