Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
