The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
