Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
