I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
