So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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