grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
farters have to be the big spoon...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
