Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
