Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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