I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
