this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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