He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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