He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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