Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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