Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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