you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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