This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
