i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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