Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
