all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
