Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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