so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
