his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
