Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
