I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
