I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
