I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
