okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
