He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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