I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
