what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
