Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
time to smoke my breakfast
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
