before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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