the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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