A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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