You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
