The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
