They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
