omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
