I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
