So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
