if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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