I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
